


Coming Home

by Mirha



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 23:27:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17212847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirha/pseuds/Mirha
Summary: Ivan feels bad when he comes back to Barcelona after the world cup. Leo helps.





	Coming Home

Coming back to the Camp Nou felt strangely odd, but that didn’t surprise Ivan that much. Since the end of the world cup, everything felt off to him. There was always some kind of bitterness stuck in his throat, keeping him from enjoying the little things in life. The celebration in Croatia chased that feeling away for a while, or rather, the alcohol did. But now, he was back in Barcelona, sober and forced to face reality.

The beginning of the new season meant going to training, and training meant spending time with people who played in the world cup. All his teammates congratulated Umtiti for his world cup title and at the sight, Ivan felt bile rise up in his throat. It wasn’t against his friend. Sam was a great guy and Ivan appreciated him, but it brought back too many bad memories for him to ignore it.

He tried his best to focus on training and on his moves, only doing the minimum required talking with the rest of the team. Tomorrow he would find the strength to joke with them and to put the past behind, but no today. Today, all he wished for was to rush home once this was over so he could be alone, and maybe cry his heart out. He hoped he wouldn’t, but the occurrence had become too common these last few days for him to ignore that possibility.

He was relieved when the end of the training finally arrived and he ran to the locker room, making sure he wouldn’t have to make any more small talk. Ivan undressed in a hurry before locking himself up in a shower stall. He chose to wash himself with hot, too hot water. It was burning his shoulder blades, but Ivan forced himself to stay right underneath it, gritting his teeth. The pain helped to make his mind a bit clearer, to disperse the fog that muffled his feelings all day long.

He quickly heard his teammates voices filling the locker room and Ivan closed his eyes, trying his best to ignore them and to stay in his bubble. The training had already been too much, now he needed some time alone before being able to talk to them again. In the end, he decided to sit on the floor, the water slowly reducing in heat. The position wasn’t the most comfortable, but Ivan still deemed it better than having to interact with the rest of the team.

The midfielder waited a long time, until he stopped hearing voices and footsteps. Then he slowly got out of the shower, like a scared animal afraid to be caught by a bigger predator. His steps were light and he let out a sigh of relief when he finally got to his own locker. He put his clothes on quickly, starting with his boxers and socks. He was only missing a shirt when suddenly, a firm but gentle hand fell on his shoulder.

Ivan jumped out in surprise and his first reaction was to panic. However, he calmed down a little when he met Leo’s tender eyes. Despite how bad he felt, it wasn’t enough to erase the trust and love he put in his boyfriend, even it they hadn’t been able to see each other since the world cup. A part of him, the most scarred by the final against France, stayed on its guard though.

Leo opened his mouth, hesitant to say something, but then he decided against it and pulled Ivan into a tight hug. The taller man let out a huff of surprise at the familiar sensation of Leo’s beard scratching against his neck. He wasn’t surprised by all the strength held in his small arms though. He had learned a long time ago how strong his lover was, despite his frail appearance.

Ivan didn’t know what to do of the feelings this warm, reassuring embrace awakened in his heart. The hurt and the pain were still there, nestled in his chest, but Leo’s presence soothed it a little. The Croatian hid his face in Leo’s dark hair, inhaling his lover familiar scent. It smelled like safety, like home and Ivan started wondering why he just didn’t rush to his captain’s place the moment he arrived in Barcelona.

“I know you’re feeling bad, Ivan. It’s because of the world cup, right?”

His lover’s insight impressed and terrified Ivan’s at the same time. He didn’t want to talk about this, didn’t feel ready for it, but Leo took a step back, staring into his eyes as his hand caressed Ivan’s cheek, leaving him nowhere to run to. He couldn’t get away from that loving, worried stare and he hated it.

“Leo… It’s… It’s so hard, I don’t think I can talk about it right now… You wouldn’t understand anyway… No one would…”

“Querido, do you only realize who you’re talking to?”

Ivan almost replied without thinking. There were lots of obvious answers to that question: Leo, his lover, Barcelona’s captain, the best football player in the world… However, the one that mattered appeared to him clearly before any words could get past his lips.

Apart from all that, Leo was also the man who had lost the world cup final in 2014. Of course, Ivan remembered it all too well. He remembered how his friend had come back to Barcelona looking like a ghost and avoiding everyone at first. Just like he reminded driving to his friend’s house almost everyday, each time with a new excuse, just to make sure that Leo was alright.

He could still see Leo on the brink of tears, muttering excuses about how he was sorry for being a bother to him and the team. It had been a long process, to comfort him back to confidence, to see a spark of joy blossom in his eyes again. A path that had ended with Leo crashing his lips against Ivan’s and pushing him into his bed while the Croatian gladly let him do so.

But now, their roles were reversed by a cruel twist of fate. Ivan was the one one step away from breaking while Leo was studying him with worried eyes.

“How did you do it? How did you manage to go back to your life after the world cup, how could you be strong enough not to have your mind clouded with regret every single second of the day?”

“I wasn’t at first. I thought it would swallow me whole and spit me back feeling empty and worthless.” Leo recognized. “But I had you, Ivan. You were always there when I needed someone to comfort me. So please, let me be there for you now. Don’t run away. We can work this through together.”

Ivan couldn’t take it anymore. He lowered his head and started sobbing against Leo’s shoulder, holding tight onto him. His lover caressed his back gently, not saying a word, simply allowing him to let it all out.

“I’m… I’m sorry… I’m ruining your clothes…” Ivan cried, but his captain refused to let him go.

“Do you really think that matters to me? I can buy a thousand more shirts if needed, but you, Ivan, you are unique and I don’t want to lose you. Not when you mean so much to me. I know you won’t stop feeling bad all of a sudden, but remember you’re not alone in this. You’ll never be.”

“Fuck, you must think I’m acting like a spoiled child. I mean, during your world cup, you had all that pressure on your shoulders, all those expectations put on you and you had to deal with your country disappointment afterward. I had none of that, I was even praised and acclaimed when I came back home, and I’m still complaining… I’m sorry, Leo, I’ll do my best to stop bothering you…”

“No, you won’t do that. Of course, I was hurt by everything you just mentioned, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to feel hurt too. I want you to talk to me, Ivan. Don’t force yourself to keep it all inside. I tried that already, and trusts me, it doesn’t work.”

“It’s just… We were so close, Leo, so fucking close! It was the first time we managed to get that far and I know it won’t happen again, not for me. I’m too old, I’m pretty sure I’ll never get such a chance again. Victory was almost there, I only had to reach for it, but I failed, I failed my teammates, I failed our coach, I failed my whole country…”

“Oh Ivan, don’t blame yourself like that. I know you gave everything you had during this world cup. Don’t you remember calling me before your game against England, when your voice was so hoarse because of sickness that I barely understood you? Because I do, I remember being worried sick when I watched you play knowing about your health issues. I was expecting you to faint at any moment, but you didn’t, you even played through half time and I was so, so proud of you Ivan. I know how your whole team had to take painkillers to go on. I saw you fight your way to that final Ivan. You can still be proud of yourself. I promise.”

Ivan already knew all that deep down, but having these words pronounced by the best player in the world, by his captain, by Leo, suddenly made it all the more real. Another sobbed ran through him, but it was filled with relief. He needed to hear these words, even though he didn’t know that beforehand.

“Still, I wish… I wish this didn’t have to end in defeat…”

“I know, Ivan, I know.”

The Croatian took a deep breath, sighing as Leo ran a gentle hand through his blonde hair. This was what he needed right now and nothing else. Just Leo, holding him close, letting him be sad, letting him mourn his defeat, not saying that he should just be happy he got that far, not blaming him for wanting more.

“Thank you, Leo, thank you for being here.”

“I wish I could offer you so much more, Ivan. I wish I could turn back time to offer you that damn cup. I would surrender all I have just to give you that happiness, but it’s beyond my reach.”

“You don’t have to explain that to me, Leo. That was exactly how I felt four years ago. I would have given everything to bring a smile back on your lips.”

“And you did just that.” Leo whispered, leaving a butterfly kiss on his cheek. “I won’t promise you everything will be alright tomorrow. It will take time and the scar will never really leave. But it gets better, you’ll realize that soon.”

“You’re wrong.” Ivan replied, a calm smile on his lips. “I’m already better. Sure, I’ve been happier, but being with you, having you say those words to me… You already helped more than you can imagine, Leo.”

Before his captain could say anything, Ivan captured his lips with his, putting all his love and passion in it. His lover smiled against his lips and pulled him closer, his hands moving to Ivan cheeks to wipe away the trails left by his tears.

“Can you take me home? Please?” Ivan whispered once their lips parted.

“Of course, but let’s get you a shirt first.”

Ivan blinked, slowly realizing that he was still naked from the waist up. He gave Leo an apologetic smile when his lover handed him the clothes he needed.

“Sorry, I’m still a bit out of it.”

“I noticed, that’s why I’m here to take care of you, cariño. I baked some strawberry cake before leaving for training, I’m sure you’ll like that.”

“You did that for me, didn’t you? You knew I would feel bad so you made my favorite dessert for me?”

“Well, can you blame me for wanting to spoil my boyfriend?” Leo murmured, his eyes full of love.

In that moment, Ivan felt like the luckiest man in the world for having him, his worries tamed by Leo’s presence alone.

“I’ll make it up to you once I feel better, don’t worry.” Ivan whispered back.

“You don’t have to. For now, just take care of yourself.”

“I will, don’t worry. Now let’s just go home, love.”

He gently joined their foreheads together then put his lips on Leo’s one last time before taking his hand, eager to get alone with his lover in his house and to cuddle with him for the rest of the day.

Just being pressed against Leo already felt like home, though


End file.
